1 00:00:05,736 --> 00:00:09,139 This is the last one. 2 00:00:09,222 --> 00:00:13,622 -Why didn't you hire movers? -We managed it well ourselves. 3 00:00:13,705 --> 00:00:17,690 Yes, but movers are sexy. 4 00:00:20,222 --> 00:00:23,958 Firemen are sexy. Should I light something on fire? 5 00:00:27,278 --> 00:00:31,512 -Do we like my new apartment? -Yes. 6 00:00:31,595 --> 00:00:36,286 And it doesn't smell like cat piss at all. 7 00:00:36,369 --> 00:00:40,727 Why are you always like this? Why are you so sad? 8 00:00:40,810 --> 00:00:44,131 - I'm just kidding. -Do you do that? 9 00:00:44,214 --> 00:00:49,029 It smells like odor remover. 10 00:00:49,112 --> 00:00:52,308 Odor remover with cat pee scent. 11 00:00:54,051 --> 00:01:00,443 We have barely been apart for a day since i dumped my fiance- 12 00:01:00,526 --> 00:01:04,636 - on our wedding day. It was a proud moment. 13 00:01:06,628 --> 00:01:09,783 I will miss living with you. 14 00:01:09,866 --> 00:01:13,352 When we tell each other what we should wear. 15 00:01:13,436 --> 00:01:19,952 When you fall asleep in front of the TV with saliva running from the mouth. 16 00:01:20,035 --> 00:01:23,771 You tried to make me soup when I was sick. 17 00:01:23,854 --> 00:01:29,250 You were standing on the balcony and moved his head back and forth. 18 00:01:29,333 --> 00:01:35,808 - No, it was pigeons. - I try to be a little sentimental. 19 00:01:35,891 --> 00:01:40,914 If I get sentimental, I realize that I will miss you. 20 00:01:42,823 --> 00:01:46,102 I will miss you too. 21 00:01:48,717 --> 00:01:50,876 Go now. 22 00:01:50,959 --> 00:01:54,363 - I like the apartment. -Call when you get home. 23 00:01:54,446 --> 00:01:58,057 -At once. Bye then. -Hello then. 24 00:02:47,293 --> 00:02:50,655 It feels strange to live apart. 25 00:02:52,731 --> 00:02:59,289 We live apart right? Surely this is better for us? 26 00:02:59,372 --> 00:03:05,806 Of course. If it wasn't better, we wouldn't even ask the question. 27 00:03:07,840 --> 00:03:11,243 You are right about that. 28 00:03:11,326 --> 00:03:14,896 I gave my phone number to the Borders guy. 29 00:03:14,979 --> 00:03:17,843 -Number or business card? -Short. 30 00:03:17,926 --> 00:03:20,998 -Not good. -Why? 31 00:03:21,081 --> 00:03:28,220 “Hey, I'm afraid of getting snubbed. Call my secretary instead." 32 00:03:28,303 --> 00:03:31,541 - I'm not afraid of anything. - Then call. 33 00:03:31,624 --> 00:03:35,318 What if he just says "hello"? 34 00:03:36,978 --> 00:03:41,088 You are a disgrace to your kind. 35 00:03:45,405 --> 00:03:52,129 You are wrong there. It is a myth that it is easier with two men. 36 00:03:52,212 --> 00:03:55,699 It is not easy for a man to meet another man. 37 00:03:55,782 --> 00:04:01,759 It's raining men! A great evening on the town! 38 00:04:03,585 --> 00:04:10,434 Jack totally ruled! They swarmed around me like… 39 00:04:11,928 --> 00:04:15,498 Like grinding around a kerosene lamp? 40 00:04:17,822 --> 00:04:23,800 -More like the fat swarms around you. - It sat. 41 00:04:23,883 --> 00:04:29,860 If you two are going to be spiteful to each other, I go in to me. 42 00:04:29,943 --> 00:04:36,211 I just don't understand how you stand with insults day in and day out. 43 00:04:36,294 --> 00:04:40,154 It smells like cat piss in your house. 44 00:04:45,202 --> 00:04:47,111 Forget it. 45 00:04:49,014 --> 00:04:52,459 -Hello, doggy. -Who is your master? 46 00:04:53,870 --> 00:04:59,290 - Sorry we woke you up, Karen. - I haven't gone to bed yet. 47 00:05:05,368 --> 00:05:11,968 -I have to talk to you about Rosario. -Mrs Jack McFarland. 48 00:05:12,051 --> 00:05:15,828 I thought you were. 49 00:05:15,911 --> 00:05:19,345 I didn't know you had love handles. Both were wrong. 50 00:05:22,054 --> 00:05:29,360 I heard that the marriage between a 35-year-old gay man and an older woman- 51 00:05:29,443 --> 00:05:32,390 - appeared on the computer. 52 00:05:32,473 --> 00:05:34,852 -Are we ready? -No. 53 00:05:35,001 --> 00:05:39,944 They intend to visit Jack and Rosario to see that they are really married. 54 00:05:40,027 --> 00:05:45,465 Because they officially live with you Jack better move in with you. 55 00:05:45,548 --> 00:05:50,009 I love the view from penthouses! 56 00:05:54,597 --> 00:06:01,031 My own sexless marriage. Just like Will and Grace. 57 00:06:02,966 --> 00:06:07,574 No, we don't live together anymore. She has got her own apartment. 58 00:06:07,657 --> 00:06:11,932 Two dysfunctional meters from here. 59 00:06:13,136 --> 00:06:18,781 They are like Siamese twins, united by their sad personalities. 60 00:06:21,215 --> 00:06:27,026 We are completely independent. We have our own homes, our own lives, our own... 61 00:06:27,109 --> 00:06:34,456 -Shower, shower, shower... - Does she have a screw loose? 62 00:06:43,961 --> 00:06:49,150 This? Is this my amazing view? 63 00:06:49,233 --> 00:06:54,546 - Did you shout? -No, I said "my amazing view." 64 00:06:54,629 --> 00:06:58,780 Sound like Rosario? 65 00:06:58,863 --> 00:07:02,972 You never used that tone before we got married. 66 00:07:04,466 --> 00:07:09,115 Sorry. I have to get used to the idea on our shared bed. 67 00:07:13,225 --> 00:07:18,662 You get paid by the hour, so speed up! 68 00:07:18,745 --> 00:07:23,519 I can crush you easily like nothing. 69 00:07:25,870 --> 00:07:29,605 I want to live in the nice part with you. 70 00:07:29,688 --> 00:07:33,507 It was cute, but the maid lives here. 71 00:07:33,590 --> 00:07:39,982 - I'm not a maid. - You are married to the maid. 72 00:07:40,065 --> 00:07:42,929 By the way... Stan sleepwalks. 73 00:07:43,012 --> 00:07:47,495 If you meet him and he runs into you, so take advantage of it. 74 00:07:51,397 --> 00:07:55,133 You might get a mink coat afterwards. 75 00:07:59,536 --> 00:08:04,766 Hello. I'm just going to get some pudding. 76 00:08:04,850 --> 00:08:08,336 You bought it, I forgot. 77 00:08:08,419 --> 00:08:10,827 Is it fat-free? 78 00:08:10,910 --> 00:08:14,735 Good. Thanks. Bye then. 79 00:08:17,219 --> 00:08:20,913 It's chocolate. I thought it was mixed. 80 00:08:22,200 --> 00:08:29,256 Speaking of mixed... I'm naked! I have no clothes on! 81 00:08:29,339 --> 00:08:34,569 You're always naked these days. When did you start it? 82 00:08:34,652 --> 00:08:36,935 When I started living alone. 83 00:08:37,018 --> 00:08:42,124 You shouldn't be uptight just because you are naked. 84 00:08:46,856 --> 00:08:49,637 Remind me to bookmark you. 85 00:08:57,108 --> 00:09:02,961 - This doesn't work. - Talk to your urologist about it. 86 00:09:05,368 --> 00:09:10,598 Jack and Karen are probably right. This has not solved our problems. 87 00:09:10,681 --> 00:09:17,987 You said Jack and Karen are right. I want you to stop eating wheat. 88 00:09:18,070 --> 00:09:23,591 -You are still dependent on me. - Because I borrowed some pudding? 89 00:09:23,674 --> 00:09:29,649 You borrow everything from me. Records, books... You searched for hours for bubble baths. 90 00:09:29,760 --> 00:09:33,869 -Even then? -You don't have a bathtub! 91 00:09:33,952 --> 00:09:39,888 -You're offering the pillow a drink, aren't you? -Don't change the subject. 92 00:09:39,971 --> 00:09:45,759 You can't do anything without me. You can't even cook without me. 93 00:09:47,816 --> 00:09:50,514 I laugh without you. 94 00:09:52,424 --> 00:09:57,197 I'm actually going to invite you to dinner tomorrow night. 95 00:09:57,280 --> 00:10:03,884 - I don't think so. -Yes, but you are not invited. 96 00:10:04,072 --> 00:10:09,235 No, because it's not dinner. Don't you notice that it doesn't work? 97 00:10:09,321 --> 00:10:15,673 You have to move. Not just to another floor, but far from here. 98 00:10:16,110 --> 00:10:23,872 Now I'm getting confused. Should I move east or south? 99 00:10:33,581 --> 00:10:38,562 Hi, Richard. It's Will Truman. 100 00:10:38,645 --> 00:10:43,086 The book by John Updike was good. 101 00:10:43,169 --> 00:10:50,890 My favorite piece? When you smiled and said: "Thank you for shopping at Borders." 102 00:10:50,973 --> 00:10:55,912 I just wanted to hear if we can meet over a glass. 103 00:10:55,995 --> 00:10:57,946 The top. 104 00:10:58,029 --> 00:11:02,180 Hi, I'm waiting for Richard.... Hi Richard! 105 00:11:02,263 --> 00:11:10,634 It's Will Updike... Will Truman. I'm a tru-man, not an up-dike. 106 00:11:12,225 --> 00:11:16,500 Can you wait a minute, Richard? - Idiot! 107 00:11:16,583 --> 00:11:24,179 Hello. When I was at Borders the other day i forgot to say... 108 00:11:24,262 --> 00:11:28,413 By all means. Sorry? 109 00:11:28,496 --> 00:11:35,188 Yes, I'd love to have a drink with you. Tomorrow night? 110 00:11:35,370 --> 00:11:39,438 It will be fun. Bye then. 111 00:11:54,854 --> 00:12:00,042 Hey, old lady. Nice dress. Where are Fred and Ethel? 112 00:12:04,352 --> 00:12:09,748 - I have bought a housewarming present. -Thanks. 113 00:12:09,831 --> 00:12:13,151 That was kind of you. 114 00:12:15,295 --> 00:12:19,778 A Martini Set... And an opened bottle of gin. 115 00:12:21,563 --> 00:12:28,536 Grace? What is this about? 116 00:12:30,321 --> 00:12:33,724 Now don't judge in advance. 117 00:12:33,807 --> 00:12:38,664 I have no furniture yet, so I thought we could have a picnic. 118 00:12:38,747 --> 00:12:42,649 Like Saratoga before the horse races. 119 00:12:42,732 --> 00:12:46,135 Apart from that there is no grass or trees here. 120 00:12:46,218 --> 00:12:51,656 And Saratoga doesn't stink of a litter box. 121 00:12:57,950 --> 00:13:00,856 It's like when I was a kid. 122 00:13:00,939 --> 00:13:06,252 Watermelon, apple pie and drunken, bitter Aunt Greta. 123 00:13:08,742 --> 00:13:15,093 -You can try to have fun, right? -Okay, I'll try. 124 00:13:15,176 --> 00:13:20,470 What fun! A picnic! All of Manhattan will bubble! 125 00:13:26,425 --> 00:13:30,659 Speaking of Manhattan and bubbly... 126 00:13:35,930 --> 00:13:37,964 I'm coming! 127 00:13:38,047 --> 00:13:39,832 Hello! 128 00:13:39,915 --> 00:13:45,685 -This one is for you. -Thanks. Come in! 129 00:13:45,768 --> 00:13:52,035 -Isn't it nice? - Great. 130 00:13:54,069 --> 00:13:59,175 -Where's Will? - He won't come. 131 00:13:59,258 --> 00:14:02,122 - Have you argued? -No. 132 00:14:02,205 --> 00:14:05,442 Then I don't understand. 133 00:14:05,525 --> 00:14:12,001 He is with himself. I am too, and I offer dinner. 134 00:14:13,246 --> 00:14:17,352 -Who cooked the food? -I. 135 00:14:17,438 --> 00:14:21,506 She's cooked, Rob. 136 00:14:23,249 --> 00:14:26,280 Is Will coming later? 137 00:14:26,363 --> 00:14:33,170 For goodness' sake! It will be just the four of us. Grab a bottle and get drunk! 138 00:14:39,170 --> 00:14:43,279 -Can I have this? -Does no rhyme with never? 139 00:14:45,570 --> 00:14:51,256 You are of no help. This is not a talk show. 140 00:14:51,339 --> 00:14:55,116 Why are you wearing gloves? Have you got eczema again? 141 00:14:55,199 --> 00:14:58,271 Out with you. 142 00:14:58,354 --> 00:15:04,497 I understand that you are anxious now that Grace isn't dressing you. 143 00:15:05,196 --> 00:15:10,399 But it will be a fun night. It's great that you're going out again. 144 00:15:10,516 --> 00:15:13,629 It will probably be good. 145 00:15:15,123 --> 00:15:18,610 - Hi, Richard. -Oh then... 146 00:15:18,693 --> 00:15:23,134 It's okay, I'll wait here. 147 00:15:23,217 --> 00:15:30,855 - He's just late. -Oh, no! are you ok 148 00:15:32,225 --> 00:15:38,617 -What do you mean by that? -Have you completely forgotten our language? 149 00:15:38,700 --> 00:15:42,649 "Delayed" means "dumps you". 150 00:15:42,837 --> 00:15:46,420 -How do you say "stick"? -"Good morning." 151 00:15:50,405 --> 00:15:53,435 Good morning, Jack! 152 00:16:02,129 --> 00:16:06,571 - Is the soup good? - It's a little cold. 153 00:16:06,654 --> 00:16:13,461 - It's gazpacho. It should be cold. - It's not good. 154 00:16:15,952 --> 00:16:20,601 Should I lie like I did about her hors d'oeuvres? 155 00:16:20,684 --> 00:16:26,536 It does nothing. The most important thing is that we have fun. 156 00:16:26,619 --> 00:16:29,898 What is the second most important thing? 157 00:16:31,849 --> 00:16:38,076 -Do you have a chair? - It's not good for his back. 158 00:16:38,159 --> 00:16:42,641 I'm the Al Pacino of back problems. 159 00:16:42,724 --> 00:16:44,551 Rob! 160 00:16:44,634 --> 00:16:49,283 Stop! Where did you find these two? 161 00:16:50,943 --> 00:16:56,256 - We can certainly borrow a chair from Will. -No! We don't need Will. 162 00:16:56,339 --> 00:16:58,996 I make a chair. 163 00:16:59,079 --> 00:17:05,429 See here. I put a sheet over this box. 164 00:17:05,512 --> 00:17:11,365 We are having fun. We improvise. We drape. We sit... 165 00:17:17,135 --> 00:17:20,995 I just found my mouthwash. 166 00:17:23,112 --> 00:17:28,882 You are stuck in a moving box and get the hedge washed. 167 00:17:30,874 --> 00:17:36,602 It's a sign. The evening is a fiasco. 168 00:17:38,968 --> 00:17:41,749 It is not at all. 169 00:17:43,285 --> 00:17:50,092 It's over. You didn't stand a chance without Wilma. 170 00:17:52,458 --> 00:17:56,767 I never liked Will, but i have to admit- 171 00:17:56,989 --> 00:18:00,849 - that the girl can entertain her guests. 172 00:18:04,280 --> 00:18:07,601 I can also entertain my guests. 173 00:18:07,703 --> 00:18:11,065 -What does it smell like? - Cat piss! 174 00:18:11,148 --> 00:18:16,586 The whole apartment is soaked in cat urine! 175 00:18:21,318 --> 00:18:24,472 It smells like rosemary. 176 00:18:25,974 --> 00:18:28,796 It's the chicken. 177 00:18:28,997 --> 00:18:31,612 -Excuse me... - Thank God! 178 00:18:31,695 --> 00:18:36,136 Hi Will. How nice to see you. 179 00:18:36,219 --> 00:18:39,415 -What are you doing here? -I want to talk to you. 180 00:18:39,498 --> 00:18:43,898 I had a date with the Borders guy. He is late. 181 00:18:43,981 --> 00:18:46,223 Does that mean he is dumping me? 182 00:18:46,306 --> 00:18:52,075 You have to go, because I'm in the middle of it a very nice dinner... 183 00:18:52,158 --> 00:18:57,056 Put the cheese down and return to the picnic area! 184 00:19:02,577 --> 00:19:06,188 Did you hear what I said? I need to talk to you. 185 00:19:06,271 --> 00:19:09,716 - Now go. - I'm just asking for advice. 186 00:19:09,799 --> 00:19:16,233 You wanted to live alone. Go home, read naked and play with your pudding. 187 00:19:22,916 --> 00:19:25,157 Thanks. 188 00:19:26,966 --> 00:19:29,498 -Hello... -Hello. 189 00:19:32,712 --> 00:19:37,029 I've thought about it. You might be right. 190 00:19:38,523 --> 00:19:43,130 I live too close. I'm too dependent on you. 191 00:19:43,213 --> 00:19:49,024 No, I wasn't thinking clearly that day. I hadn't eaten properly. 192 00:19:49,108 --> 00:19:54,421 No. You are right. I live too close. It was a stupid idea. 193 00:19:54,504 --> 00:20:00,273 Tomorrow when I wake up Should I look for a new apartment? 194 00:20:00,356 --> 00:20:03,760 - You don't have to do that. -Yes. 195 00:20:04,964 --> 00:20:10,899 I can handle a failed dinner from time to time. It was terrible. 196 00:20:10,982 --> 00:20:15,216 It was the pissing cat's fault. 197 00:20:17,582 --> 00:20:24,099 If it becomes a straitjacket for both of us that I live here... 198 00:20:24,182 --> 00:20:28,665 Can I take it? I'm very hungry. 199 00:20:36,261 --> 00:20:40,121 Or it works. He is cute. Is he funny? 200 00:20:40,204 --> 00:20:43,359 -I have to go. -Call me? 201 00:20:43,442 --> 00:20:46,057 He is cute. Did I disturb? 202 00:20:46,140 --> 00:20:50,000 -Hello then. -Hello then. 203 00:20:52,532 --> 00:20:56,807 I'll tell you everything at breakfast. 204 00:20:56,890 --> 00:20:59,588 i love you 205 00:21:20,982 --> 00:21:26,005 I'm going to Costco tomorrow. 206 00:21:26,088 --> 00:21:31,816 -Do you need anything? - Socks. 207 00:21:31,899 --> 00:21:36,257 The kind with toe and heel or those without? 208 00:21:36,340 --> 00:21:43,189 - You get to decide that. - I like those but on men. 209 00:21:47,049 --> 00:21:49,706 I do that too.